I Am Not Sidney Poitier (2009)

I Am Not Sidney Poitier (2009) is a novel by American writer Percival Everett. Originally published by Graywolf Press, in 2020 it was published by Influx Press in the UK. It explores the tumultuous life of a character named Not Sidney Poitier as the social hierarchy scrambles to balance his skin color with his wealth.

Each adventure reflects a prominent film starring Sidney Poitier, such as The Defiant Ones (1958) or Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967), and incorporates a significant twist. The novel reflects a Post-black writing style by parodying the traditions of Black literature.

Plot summary

Chapter 1

The novel begins with the conception of Not Sidney Poitier, a boy whose mother, Portia, invests on the ground floor in Turner Broadcasting. She gains quite a lot of money when it becomes successful. Ted Turner comes to visit her and meets Not Sidney. Portia dies soon after the meeting, and Turner becomes Not Sidney's guardian.

Turner gives Not Sidney free rein over his money and life, to avoid the white savior stereotype. Not Sidney is educated by a socialist college student named Betty. Not Sidney is extensively bullied, and in response attempts to learn martial arts. When that fails, he learns how to "fesmerize" people, a skill akin to hypnosis. He uses that ability to mess with Turner, Betty, and Turner's wife, Jane Fonda. Upon reaching high school age, Not Sidney decides to attend public school. He develops a crush on his teacher, which she notices. She invites him to her home, where she sexually assaults him on two separate occasions. She threatens to fail him if he doesn't allow it, though after the second time, she fails him anyway. Not Sidney reports her actions, but is ridiculed by the administration both at his individual school and at the Board of Education. As a result, he drops out and decides to travel to California.

Chapter 2

Not Sidney attempts to drive cross-country, but he is stopped and arrested by a racist cop. He is put into prison unlawfully. While being transported to another facility, he and his fellow prisoner escape when their bus crashes. He and Patrice head back to Atlanta on foot. After some time, they get into a fight and are interrupted by a young boy named Bobo. Bobo takes them to the house where he lives with his blind older sister. The four plan to jump atop the train headed back to Atlanta the next morning.

While they sleep, Not Sidney has the "Band of Angels" dream, in which he is a slave named Raz-ru. In the dream, he watches a high-yellow (mixed-race) woman be taken from her high-society life and be bought as a slave by his master, who Not Sidney eventually kills. The next day, Sis and Patrice begin a romantic relationship, and start drinking that night to celebrate. When the sun rises, Not Sidney opts to leave the couple sleeping and ride the train alone to Atlanta. (This chapter was inspired by Poitier's movies The Defiant Ones, A Patch of Blue, and Band of Angels).

Chapter 3

Upon returning from his failed cross-country trip, Not Sidney decides to go to college, and sets up a meeting with Gladys Feet. He bribes her with a donation for a place in the upcoming class at Morehouse College, a historically black college. He's assigned to a room with Morris Chesney, a fraternity brother who attempts to bully and haze young men rushing the fraternity. To end their ongoing conflict, Not Sidney fesmerizes him into reorienting the fraternity around recycling and leaving him alone. While at Morehouse, he attends classes taught by professor and writer Percival Everett. Not Sidney goes to his office hours, and develops a mentor/mentee relationship with him after Everett reveals that he is a fraud. While attending Everett's classes, Not Sidney meets Maggie, a Spelman College student, and they begin a relationship.

Chapter 4

Not Sidney goes home with Maggie for Thanksgiving. He learns that her family are Black conservatives, biased against Black people with darker skin. Not Sidney suffers a series of microaggressions from them and is hit on by Agnes, Maggie's sister. Agnes performs oral sex on him to upset Maggie. During their sexual encounter, Not Sidney has the "No Way Out" dream. He is a doctor who loses a white patient and is blamed for the man's death. Near the end of the visit, Maggie's parents find out that Not Sidney is immensely wealthy, and begin to treat him with a near-reverent respect. After recognizing this, he calls them out about their colorism and causes a scene at Thanksgiving dinner. He leaves the house and ends his relationship with Maggie. (This chapter was inspired by the movies Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and No Way Out.)

Chapter 5

Not Sidney drops out of Morehouse and again tries to drive to California. His car begins to break down in the small Alabama town of Smuteye. He pulls into the driveway of a small house, seeking tools to fix the car. The nuns living there offer their tools, but ask him to fix their leaking roof in exchange. The sisters believe that he has been sent by God to help them build their church. They tell him he will be building a fence the following day.

He goes to sleep, and has the "Buck and the Preacher" dream. He is Buck, leader of a wagon train of freedmen in the West who are running from a posse of army men wanting them to work their land. He steals a horse from a preacher in order to escape. The preacher punches him in the face.

After he wakes, the sisters tell him again that he will build their church, but he is not convinced. He fixes his car and leaves. He stops at the Smuteye Diner to get some food. Hearing the waitress and patrons ridicule the sisters, he decides to use his wealth to help the nuns build the church. After a struggle to get a check cashed in Montgomery, Alabama, he witnesses a Klan rally. He watches a cross burn down before leaving. (This chapter was inspired by the movies Lilies of the Field and Buck and the Preacher.)