弓箭手的呆子 (1984)

Archer's Goon is a 1984 fantasy novel by Diana Wynne Jones both for the young adult and adult markets. It was nominated for the 1985 World Fantasy Award for Best Novel and is listed as an ALA Notable Children's Book, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults, and a Boston Globe–Horn Book Award Honor Book.

Plot summary

Thirteen-year-old Howard Sykes lives in an English town with his parents, Quentin, an author and professor, and Catriona, a music teacher; his sister Anthea, always called "Awful" because of her constant screaming; and Fifi, the family's au pair. Their life is interrupted one afternoon when an unnamed huge person, "somebody's Goon" as Fifi describes him, comes into their home and announces that he has come to collect the two thousand words that Quentin owes somebody called Archer.

It transpires that thirteen years ago, Quentin was suffering dreadfully from writer's block and hadn't been able to write anything for nearly a year after his last book was published, and so Mountjoy, a town official, came up with the idea that Quentin should undertake to write two thousand words of nonsense quarterly and deliver them to him at the town hall. In return, Quentin was promised an exemption from city taxes. The Goon says that the latest two thousand didn't get to Archer. Quentin irritably writes a replacement set and gives them to the Goon, who goes away – but the next afternoon, he is back, as the words were a repeat of what had been done previously, and the agreement specified that they must not be a copy or paraphrase of anything Quentin had done before.

The Goon takes Howard to see Mountjoy, who reveals that the town is secretly run by seven wizard siblings: Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus. Each one "farms" some aspects of the town's life and industry. Mountjoy has instructions from an unknown superior to post the words but does not know who the actual recipient is.

Mountjoy's revelation starts the Sykes family on a quest for the sibling who is the actual user of Quentin's words.

Fifi reveals to Howard that she did not deliver the two thousand words as she was busy and gave them to one of Quentin's students at the college, Maisie Potter, to deliver. Howard, Awful and Fifi go to Maisie Potter's house to find out what she did with them. She tries to fob them off with excuses as to why the words were not delivered but they finally get the truth out of her: that she gave them to one of the wizard siblings, Dillian. The trio force her to take them to see Dillian.

Dillian admits that she did ask Maisie Potter to steal the words as she believes, just like the other siblings, that the two thousand words have for the past thirteen years prevented them from leaving the town. Howard informs her that the words have been delivered to Archer for the past thirteen years and this makes Dillian believe that Archer is behind them all being stuck there. She gives back the words to Howard, but as he, Fifi and Awful are walking home they find that the words have magically vanished. When they try to go back to Dillian's house, it too has magically vanished.

The Goon takes the family to meet Archer, who also believes that Quentin's words are restricting him and his siblings from leaving town. His aim is to acquire a sample of the writing so that he can figure out how to lift the restriction, in order to take over the world. On learning of Archer's ambitions, Quentin becomes convinced that the restrictions are a thoroughly good thing, and stubbornly refuses to write them anymore.

Other siblings also want to acquire samples of Quentin's words for the same purpose as Archer and they all start putting pressure on the Sykes family. Gas and electricity are cut off, the shops are closed to them, their bank accounts are frozen, and all of Catriona's musical instruments play themselves, full blast, as do the radio and TV. Torquil, who farms music and therefore is Catriona's effective boss, threatens that she will lose her job if she does not get Quentin to write him the two thousand words; Fifi, who has fallen in love with Archer, attempts to get the words for him; Shine sends a group of boys known as Hind's Gang, led by one Ginger Hind, to follow Howard and Awful and briefly kidnaps the two to use them as leverage, though the Goon and Torquil quickly come to the rescue. Hathaway (roads and transport, archives and records) sends a messenger to collect the words, but Quentin locks up his typewriter with a length of chain and a padlock and gives it to the messenger, telling him to have Hathaway write the words himself; the street outside the Sykes' house is subsequently dug up and re-paved over and over again as a form of punishment.

When Quentin receives a letter from the town demanding payment of a huge amount in back taxes, Howard and Awful decide that they have to seek help from Hathaway who, they discover, lives 400 years in the past. The children visit Hathaway in his Elizabethan household by going through a white door marked CURATOR at the back of the museum. Hathaway proves to be very reasonable, stops the street digging, and promises to help about the taxes. Howard suggests that Hathaway could bury some money at the site where their garden will be, so he (Howard) can dig it up tomorrow. Hathaway, however, points out that this wouldn't work; he (Hathaway) can't stop someone else from finding the money during the 400 years in between. He also tells Howard that Catriona and Quentin found him (Howard) as an infant and adopted him, which proves only to add more to the boy's troubles.